Olympus Weekly
by Purplecow111
Summary: Athena decides to let the Olympians write on her newspaper. See what happens.
1. Prologue

Athena's POV:

"I have an idea," I announced to the other Olymian gods.

"You know how I'm the Chief-Editor of Olympus Weekly?"

There were murmurs of agreement around the room.

"I have decided to let you guys to write articles for it!" I said.

"What kind of articles?" Zeus asked.

"Well, anything, I guess." I said.

"I'm in," said Ares.

Then the rest of the gods agreed.

As we exited, I could hear the other gods' plans for articles. Was it a good idea to let 12 all-powerful beings write their thoughts for the rest of Olympus to see?

Hey, what could go wrong?


	2. Issue I

**Issue I of Olympus Weekly:**

Ask Athena!

Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

A: Before I answer, I would like to say that I am very honored to have the first article on Olympus Weekly. Now, to answer the question, this may surprise you, but the Gallus Gallus Domesticus, more commonly known as the chicken, came first. How? A recent study shows that the egg of the chicken has parts that can only be made by chickens. This proves that the chicken didn't come from an animal that lays eggs, but from one that is most likely a mammal.

Comments (14):

Poseidon: Thank the gods that that's over with.

The gods: You're welcome!

Zeus: For one, I agree with you, she may have went just a little overboard on that one. It's like Athena wrote an essay on that.

Athena: That wasn't an essay, it was a short response. If you want an essay, I can give you an essay.

Apollo: Please, no. That's enough.

Artemis: I also agree with them.

Hermes: Me too.

Hera: Me three.

Hephestus: Me four.

Aphrodite: Me seven- wait, I mean me five.

Dionysus: Me wine.

Zeus: What? That makes no sense.

Dionysus: Wait, we weren't talking about wine?

Zeus: Sigh, let's just move on to the next article.

* * *

 **Song of the day, by Apollo:**

THEERE'S HYDROGEN THEN HELIUM THEN LITHIUM, BERLYIUM,

Comments (18):

Athena: BORON CARBON EVERYWHERE,

Poseidon: What...

Artemis: NITROGEN ALL THROUGH THE AIR,

Apollo: Wow, sis. You know this song too?

Hermes: WITH OXYGEN SO YOU CAN BREATHE AND FLORINE FOR YOUR PRETTY TEETH,

Artemis: Of course I do, it's such a good song, good pick!

Athena: NEON TO LIGHT UP THE SIGNS,

Hades: SODIUM FOR SALTY TIMES,

Zeus: MAGNESIUM, ALUMINUM SILICON,

Poseidon: I feel so left out.

Demeter: PHOSPHORUS THEN SULFER CHLORINE AND ARGON.

Hera: POTASSIUM AND CALCIUM SO YOU GROW STRONG,

APOLLO: SCANDIUM, TITANIUM, VANADIUM, AND CHROMIUM, AND MANGANESE.

Poseidon: What are you guys even singing anyways?

Hephestus: THIS IS THE PERIODIC TABLE,

Poseidon: Oh, ok.

Apollo: NOBLE GAS IS STABLE, HALOGENS AND ALKALI REACT AGRESSIVELY!

Poseidon: is currently #foreveralone

* * *

 **Zeus rage quits at FIFA 17! By Poseidon:**

Just a day ago, Zeus and I were playing a friendly game of FIFA 17. When I scored a goal, he got mad, but then pulled himself together. After I scored off of a corner kick, making the score 2 - nil, he lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, accused me of hacking into the Xbox 1s we were playing it on, and broke his controller. This event questions the sanity of the King of gods, and of his patience.

Comments (9):

Zeus: I did _not_ rage quit, I just.. Forfeited in anger and I didn't break my controller... On purpose, I was just getting up and it slipped out of my hand.

Poseidon: Oh, sure. Chucking it at the ground is it "slipping out of your hand".

Athena: Sadly, I believe Poseidon that you rage quit. Oh, did Odell Beckham Jr. score anything?

Apollo: Sigh, you know nothing about sports, do you, Athena?

Hermes: Odell Beckham Jr. Plays football, FIFA is soccer.

Athena: Oh.. Looks like I was wrong.

Hades: Gasp! Athena's wrong! Call the newspapers, this is worthy of media attention!

Poseidon: Uh, Hades? We _are_ the newspaper.

Hades: Oh, yeah, never mind.

* * *

 **Athena, wrong? By Hades:**

It all started with a friendly match of FIFA 17 when Zeus rage quit. After getting media attention for that, Athena asked a question, and made herself look like an idiot. The question was:

"Did Odell Beckham Jr score any goals?"

That question in itself is wrong, because well, everyone knows that OBJ plays football.

Comments (15):

Zeus: For the last time, I didn't rage quit.

Poseidon: Yes, you did.

Zeus: Did not.

Poseidon: Did too

Zeus: Did not.

Poseidon: Did too

Zeus: Did not.

Poseidon: Did too

Zeus: Did not.

Poseidon: Did too

Zeus: Did not.

Poseidon: Did too

Zeus: Did no- wait, what are we even arguing about?

Posiedon: I don't know, I just had "Did too" on copy and paste. Let's just move on to the next article.

Athena: There you have it. The only way to stop Zeus and Posiedon from fighting is to get both of them to forget what they are fighting about.

* * *

 **Quote of the week:**

Don't panic.

-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy.

Comments (3) :

Apollo: I don't get it. Oh no. Oh no. Ahh! I'm panicking!,,!,!,!,!tyufhgvygjhgyj,,,?,,!,s,,,,!,,!,!sss. Mm? My d. D. C c me,s,ms d d ,w,s,,s DD c. Vgsbhsnskm sks d dis wuz Cha Dixie Sid sold skims socks sks m sks sks sks sks whiffs oaks, skins skin. Dab boi.

Artemis: Sorry, that's just Apollo panicking and passing out on his keyboard with spell check on.

Apollo: Jldhdndjnjsnksksls, sums smd. Smd s so,smd ccms,ms smalskdh FFIf smd m sky sky. D,s do w all, s d.s s xl. D d 's.

 **That's the end of issue I, Please review!**


	3. Issue II

**This is issue two of OW (Olympus weekly) Just so you know, there will probably be chapters that aren't newspapers, but what actually happens in the newspaper. Remember to laugh! And review!**

 **Issue II:**

 **A Haiku, by Apollo**

I am Apollo,

And I am really awesome,

Refrigerator

Comments (3):

(Artemis has left the newspaper)

(Zeus has left the newspaper)

Poseidon: Ahh! My ears!

(Poseidon has left the newspaper wearing earplugs)

(Hades has left the newspaper)

(Demeter has left the newspaper)

(Hermes has left the newspaper)

(Hera has left the newspaper)

Apollo: Hey do you guys want to hear another one?

(Everybody else has left the newspaper)

Apollo: Well, I guess I'll follow them.

* * *

 **Song of the week: By Apollo**

(Insert pop tart cat pixelation)

Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan

Comments (10)

Artemis: Oh no, not this song.

Hera: Why not?

Hermes: Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan

Athena: Wow, that's annoying.

Zeus: Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan

Hera: Oh. I see.

Hades: Hey, I think I can use this music in the Fields of Punishment! Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan

Demeter: Oh, no! You've killed my cereal!

Poseidon: Catchy _and_ useful. That's what I'm talking about! Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan

Apollo: I have successfully inserted the Nyan Cat sickness in the Olympians. My job here is done.

* * *

 **Now, an exclusive interview with... Dionysus! By Hermes.**

Hermes: Okay, nice to have you with us, Dionysus.

Dionysus: Whatever.

H: So, tell me, how did you rise to the level that you're at right now?

D: I partied, drank wine, and partied more.

H: Wow, that sounds like fun!

D: Sure.

H: Okay, what do you do to re- Hey! Come back here! And put the cookie down! That's mine!

D: Sigh, I don't suppose I could get away with teleporting right now, could I?

H: No, not until the interview is over!

H: So, as I was saying, what do you do to relax at Camp Half Blood?

D: I turn demigods into dolphins.

H: Okay, moving past that, why do you call all of the demigods by incorrect names?

D: I do not! For example, Pedro Joe, and Leo Di Caprio.

H: Umm... I'm pretty sure that last one is a movie star.

D: ZZZ

H: Oh well, I figured this is how this interview would end.

* * *

 **Yo mama smackdown**

Yes! It's true! Poseidon and Zeus have agreed to a Yo Mama smackdown!

 **By Ares**

Comments (13)

Ares: Okay, here are the rules for this. There are none! Three.. Two... One... Goat!

Zeus: Yo mama so ug-

Ares: Uh oh, looks like we have a false start in the blue corner. I didn't say go, I said goat! Wait until I say go! Three... Two... One... Go!

Poseidon: Yo mama so stupid, she couldn't throw a rock at the ground without gravity!

Zeus: Yo mama so fat, some part of her is _always_ at home.

Poseidon: Yo mama so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!

Apollo: Ooh, epic burn!

Athena: You know you have the same mother, right?

Zeus: Yo mama so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side!

Rhea: Hey boys, I thought I heard you talking about me.

Zeus: Um... Yes! We were! We were complementing you on your brain and your beauty!

Rhea: Good. Well, I'll be leaving now!

Poseidon: Phew, that was close.

* * *

 **Quote of the week. By Athena:**

With great power... Comes a great need to nap.

-Nico Di Angelo

Comments:

Hypnos: So true.. So true.

Hermes: I shall now honor his statement. ZZZ

Zeus: Me too! ZZZ

Poseidon: Me three! ZZZ

Apollo: I'll do it before my little sister takes a nap!

Artemis: For the last time, I'm not your little sister! I was born first!

Apollo: No, you were not.

Artemis: Yes, I was.

Athena: Here we go again.

Apollo: No, you were not.

Artemis: Yes, I was.

Apollo: No, you were not.

Artemis: Yes, I was.

Apollo: No, you were not.

Artemis: Yes, I was.

Apollo: No, you were not.

Artemis: Yes, I was.

Apollo: No, yo-

Hera: Can we _please_ stop arguing and be a happy family?

Apollo: I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!

Artemis: Can we just move on to the next article?

* * *

 **New cereal. By Demeter.**

And now presenting... (Drum roll) Hades Charms! Just like normal Lucky Charms, but instead of marshmallows, tiny silhouettes of Hades! Now, you can annihilate, smush, chew up, and eat everyone's least favorite god! Available in grocery stores all around Olympus.

Comments (8):

Hades: I hate you.

Zeus: Wow! Great idea, sign me up for a box! No, make that two boxes!

Poseidon: I'll take one too, there's nothing like eating cereal versions of your second least favorite brother!

Apollo: I'll take one too.

Artemis: Me three.

Aphrodite: Me five!

(Everyone stares at her)

Aphrodite: What?

Demeter: Wow, six orders of Hades Charms, this is really taking off!

* * *

 **Okay, that was issue two of Olympus Weekly! Review and tell me if you laughed!**


End file.
